Why do we spend so much time thinking about what other people might think of us? They, in turn, are thinking about what everyone else might think of them. So you don’t really need to worry about what other people might think of you. They are simply too busy worrying about what everyone else might think of them. That’s a lot of brain power that could be put to much better use!
So why do we care what other people think of us? Because we desperately want to be accepted within society. We don’t want to be left out. To be perceived as odd or weird. Humans are tribal people and we want to find our tribe. To belong somewhere. Sometimes that urge is so strong that we tend to forget ourselves. Diminishing our true personality just to fit in. In such a tribe only a few people benefit. The rest are simply kept in place. Serving the select few. No good can come from this. Only destructive behaviors thrive.
But what if we decide to choose our own tribe instead? It’s possible. It might be nerve wrecking at first. We might have to make some painful decisions. But it’s possible. If we choose to surround ourselves with people we love. People that make us feel good about ourselves. People who don’t judge us. People that we can trust. That way you can build a tribe of your own where there is room for everyone to grow and excel.
Take a good look at the people around you. Are they supportive and uplifting? Or do they talk about you behind your back and bring you down? If the latter is true, you are much better off without them. The tricky part could be that they are family members or friends that’s been around for a long time. If so you might want to consider talking things out with them. Perhaps consult a professional for guidance. Sadly, if this has been ongoing for some time they are not likely to change their behavior. Then you have to make the hard decision of cutting them out of your life. For your own sake.
Once you have your tribe it’s important to spend time with them. That’s the only way to keep them in your tribe. In our busy lives, it would be nice with some kind of a shortcut to keeping in touch with your tribe. For your extended tribe Facebook, emails and messaging works fine. For your inner circle though there is no other way but to actually spend time together. Human interactions are critical to maintaining your tribe.
It can feel like a huge mountain to climb considering inviting friends over for dinner on Friday evening. You’re tired from working all week long. The house is a mess. The mere thought of cooking something creative makes your brain neurons vince. Curling up in the sofa watching “House of Cards” feels like a better alternative.
The upside of having a self-chosen tribe is that there is no mountain to climb. These are people that don’t judge you. People who love you for who you are. People who most likely have an equally cluttered house. You can safely invite them into your messy home and order takeout. And they will enjoy it. Because they get to spend time with you. You’re both there on equal terms. You have chosen them. They have chosen you. You are part of the same self-chosen tribe.
You can binge watch “House of Cards” another evening. Now go be with your tribe.