During the last year, I’ve started to question a lot of things. Is this all there is to life? Get up in the morning. Drive the kids to school. Go to work all day. Pick up the kids. Go home and cook dinner. Spend an hour with the kids before putting them to bed. Do some laundry. Go to bed. Repeat the next day.
It’s not that I’ve been unhappy or depressed. I love my husband and my kids. But something was still nagging at me. There should be more to life than this. I started to realize that I was too comfortable where I was and afraid to make changes. Lazy you might call it.
Not that I spend hours on the sofa in front of the TV. I don’t do that. I believe it to be a waste of my time. I was keeping myself busy with practical things around the house. Trying to keep up with those horribly long to-do lists that I blogged about the other day. This left no time for doing other things that were truly meaningful to me. One day I would have that time. Perhaps when the kids were older.
But what if I decided to make time instead? That perfect moment when all things align will never appear. That is just an excuse to not do what you love. It keeps you trapped inside your comfort zone with no hope of cutting loose.
It may be true that I will have more time as the kids grow older. But what if I start making at least a little time right now? If I can carve out just an hour each day to do what I love, in a few years that will amount to thousands of hours.
So I decided to make time. I get up in the morning at 5 and I write before I go to work. Choosing to do what I love has made my life better. I feel more alive. Instead of running my life on autopilot I’ve decided to grab the wheel.
It’s scary though. Choosing yourself. There is always the risk of utter failure when putting yourself out there. But I think it’s better to crash and burn a few times than to keep the autopilot in charge. People are interested in each other when they feel that the other person is being genuine. Showing their true self. This takes practice. At least for me.
This blog is my attempt to start showing the real me. To express my thoughts, ideas, and feelings. Make it personal. This leaves me vulnerable but I’m willing to take the risk. I believe in the good of mankind. I believe we as humans have a lot more in common than what separates us.
Some side effects of choosing myself that I didn’t expect has come about. I feel more productive and energetic at my regular job. Trying to contribute in every way I can. Helping my colleagues. To listen more and learn from other people. Maybe there is a smarter way of doing things that I haven’t thought about? Be humble and don’t desperately seek to take all the credit yourself. Helping others is always rewarded in the long run.
I’ve also gotten better at being present in the moment. Not to plan too far ahead. Take each day as it comes and try to make the most of it. After all, life is not merely the weekends and the few weeks of holiday. Life is every day. Making every day count is what adds up to a life worth living. What if today is your last day? Will you make it count?